I've been wrestling a lot with my choices lately. That's a really polite way of saying that I've been fucking up.
My priorities have been very different from what I've been telling people that they are. It's the reason I've been feeling unsettled. When the walk doesn't match the talk, it's time to shut up and get your steps in order.
So often we know in our hearts what's right for us, what will actually push us forward; but that push isn't always comfortable. Who am I kidding? It's never comforta...
(Before we go any further, that's not a jerking off reference. This isn't that kind of blog, though it could be...). I'm grappling with who I am and who I actually want to be.
Why do I pursue the things I do -- the nearly unattainable goals, the quests for meaning, the self-destructive vices, the numbing distractions -- and what do they say about me? And how can I be the me that I say I am in when I'm psyching myself up in the shower?